Crazy Cow Country Farm

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An actual conversation

February 23rd, 2011 · 4 Comments · Life on the farm

I’m still not quite feeling totally normal but the good news is that I finished my monthly workload a week early so I have the days free until March 1 when my March workload will drop.  Which leads me to this interesting conversation I had this morning with a tech guy in our headquarters.

Please keep in mind that I’m still sick so perhaps my sense of humor isn’t quite up to the normal level.

Also keep in mind that I work for the government and they’re not usually known for their own sense of humor.

And again, please keep in mind that, in his defense, he is a tech guy.

So here’s the setup (and dear Lord this will be a long boring post but I sort of feel like if I purge it out of my system them all will be right with the world).  A couple months ago we received special little CD’s to upload onto our laptops so that we can perform wireless transmission from the field.  This would be a HUGE benefit to me because I work across seven counties and the need to transmit information to headquarters on a timely basis rather than having to hook up on the ethernet card at home, well in the words of VP Biden, it really is a big fucking deal.

Sorry I dropped the F bomb Cousin Jeri.  In this case, it fit.

So I dutifully uploaded the CD and my little Access Manager box came up and then it just went to spinning and I got the error message saying it couldn’t activate.  I called up to my Regional Office and Stan the Man answered, telling me that since I live in the middle of nowhere, I am officially on “roam” and it can’t activate while on roam so next time I went into the big city I should try activating from there.

I did.  It still didn’t work.

It was at that point when Stan the Man told me that for “people like me” they just might have to come up with another solution and I’d be hearing from them.

I never heard from them.

Well I mentioned this little situation to the big guy when he was here two weeks ago and he advised me to finish up work early some month and then notify tech so they could just switch out my computer or have me send the thing back in for a little tune-up.  My supervisor called me this morning and said that since I’d finished up early this month, now’s the time to get the wireless situation fixed.

If you’re still breathing, then you’re up to speed.

Here’s how it went down.

I called up to the Regional Office, reminded the big guy (we have to have approval to talk with tech) and he thought the idea brilliant so he transferred me to Stan the Man.  After reminding Stan the Man of my problems (we have to have approval to get to the headquarters tech support) he transferred to me Narfo in a secret location – and it’s only secret because I was trying to make conversation and he refused to tell me where he was based out of.  This has no relevance to the story but I’m seriously that bored and jacked up on Airborne so I threw it in.

N = Narfo and M= me.

M – Hi Narfo!  So here’s the deal, when I open the access manager I get only 2 bars on the bottom, no bars on the top, and a blue triangle, which means that I’m roaming.  I tried activating in two different big cities while I had Stan the Man on the phone but it didn’t work.  I’m free of the computer until March 1 so can we get it switched out or something?

N – Yes, hello this is Narfo.  Which computer are you using?

M – A laptop.

N – OK then.  Hold on.  Please keep holding.  Don’t hang up, stay on the line.  Still holding….. and yes, I see that you do have a laptop assigned to you.  And why are you calling today?

M – Ummm, all that stuff I told you a minute ago?  Still happening.

N – OK then.  Let’s get you taken care of.  I’m happy to do this for you today.  Let’s have you start the access manager.  What do you see there?

M – I see 2 bars on the bottom, no bars on the top, and a blue triangle which means that I’m roaming.  You know, because I live in the country.

N – Ok then.  Hold on.  So you have no bars on the top?

M – No.

N – Are you sure there are no bars on the top?  Even 1 bar?  Do you have 1 bar on the top?

M – No.

N – OK then.  We’ll get you fixed up.  Let’s have you shut down and restart your computer.

A full 10 minutes later I’ve cleared all my security gates and am back with the access manager.

N – OK then, what do you see now?

M – I see 2 bars on the bottom, no bars on the top, and a blue triangle which means that I’m roaming.

N – OK then.  You have no bars on the top?

M – No.

N – By chance do you see a blue triangle?

M – Yes.

N – Ok then!  This means that you’re roaming and you’ll be unable to activate.  When you go to a city you can try to activate and then call me back and we’ll get you fixed up.

M – I’ve tried that and it didn’t work.  That’s why Stan the Man said to have you guys switch out my computer.

N – Well why would we do that?  No, no, this is your computer and it’s been assigned to you.  Call me when you are in the city and you try to activate.

M – But I’ve done that and it didn’t work.  I don’t need the computer until the first of the month so why don’t we get it taken care of now.

N – No, we have procedures to follow and you’ll need to call me from the city when you activate and then we can get you fixed up.

M – What happens if you can’t get me fixed up?

N – Well we may have to switch out your computer.  But we try everything to avoid that.  You call me!

I hung up.

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