Crazy Cow Country Farm

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I can organize a kitchen but not my brain

March 1st, 2010 · No Comments · Book Writing

All those doors in the dark corners of my mind which hold back mountains of emotion, thoughts, memories – well they need to be opened.  As I sweep these thoughts into neatly organized piles and move them into their proper categories I’m able to deal with them and put them away for good.  At times I crack open a door just enough to pull out a few of them for sharing or reflection but then I quickly put them back before the doors begin open too widely and let them all come flooding out.

I like things neat and tidy.  It provides order and allows me to function while doing 50 things at once.  Like a well ordered planner page or different colors on my google calendar, neat and tidy allows me to accomplish much.

But now I have a new challenge.  How to I open these doors, these floodgates, of memories and pull them out in a way that I get them formatted into a book or a chapter?  And even though I’ve told these stories to people over the years, I’ve pulled out just enough so that I can share but yet not enough that I get thrown back into the waves of memories and just drift through them.  I had control.  I have to keep control over them because I cannot get sucked under so much so that I can’t continue on with my daily life.  Dinner still needs cooked.  Shopping lists need to be made and completed.  Work at all four jobs still must get done in order to get paid.  This will be a delicate balancing act and I’m a little scared.

I have support.  I’ve got GREAT support.  Friends, family, and Ed will see me through this.  They’ll hold my hand when it gets to be too much and hopefully share in the joy this will bring.

And YAAPS will help.

Ah yes, I’ve never mentioned that here have I?  That’s a door that needs to be opened.  You see, this story can’t really be told in full until that door gets opened, but I’ll save that for another time and leave you wondering.

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