Crazy Cow Country Farm

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My nickname is Loopy and now you’ll know why

September 30th, 2007 · 2 Comments · Uncategorized

Yesterday Ed and Nathan decided to move the shed so they spent most of the day in Newton which left me with the three boys while I ran errands, did my shopping gig, and worked at home.  Around 7:00pm Ed called to say they had it loaded and were on the road.  At that point, things got crazy as I made the mistake of telling the kids I was going to wait for Dad in the garage so Kenny and Vincent decided to wait with me.  You remember the feeling of the long slow up-the-hill ride of a roller coaster and then that wonderful feeling as you pick up speed going down the other side?  Well the next 15 minutes were just like that only more on the wild out-of-control side.   To set the scene, we’re all three in the garage and HBO is on the television – I have no idea why as I never watch TV out there but I’m just keeping it real – Clueless was playing and followed by The 40 Year Old Virgin.   Lovely.  Now, read the following as fast as you can and imagine 40 mph winds gusting by with two lovely little boys.  Oh, and read it in your loud voice.

K:  Mom, did you know Vincent can actually cut his own pancakes and doesn’t need you to do it?

V:  I’m so sorry I lied Mom.  I’m a bad boy.

Me:  Oh no you’re not honey, don’t worry about it.

K:  What’s a virgin mom?

Me:  Turn off the TV or go in the house.

V:  Where on the world are they with the truck?

K:  Look mom, on TV they’re getting married, how awful for them.

V:  Where’s your wedding dress Mom?

K:  Mom can’t fit in her wedding dress.  You have to be younger for that.

V:  Yes she can!

K:  No she can’t!  Hey, where’s your wedding pictures?

Me:  We didn’t have a wedding.

K:  You and Dad aren’t married?  OMG how will I explain that in school?!

V:  Where’s the truck?

{Ed calls and asks me to make coffee}

Me:  Kenny remind me to start coffee for Nathan.

V:  Mom, a cat’s killing a chicken.

K:  No, it’s just another cat.

K:  I see the truck!  No nevermind it’s just Henry and Verda’s light.  Their cows can’t see at night so they have to have a nightlight.  Make coffee Mom.

V:  Are they blind?

K:  Probably.  There’s the truck!  I see the truck!  Coffee, coffee, coffee.

V:  The cat’s dead.

K:  Mom.  Coffee, coffee, coffee.

V:  We’ve got a dead cat here Mom.  I see the truck!

K:  {looks at the TV}  The.  40.  Year.  Old.  Virgin.  Hey, you never told me what a virgin is?  What is Mom?  Lot’s of virgins on TV tonight.  And don’t forget the coffee.

Me:  Turn OFF the TV now!

K:  Coffee, coffee, coffee.

V:  This cat is totally dead Mom.

K:  No, that’s a chicken.  Coffee, coffee, coffee.

V:  Oh.  Mom the chicken’s dead.

K:  Vincent’s peeing on the tree again.

V:  I sure am worried about Dad.  And the dead chicken.

K:  Coffee Mom!  {we go in the kitchen to make coffee}

Me:  Kenny, can you put the dishes away for me please?

V:  The chicken’s not dead!  She moved!

K:  I’m worried about Dad.  Where’s the truck?

V:  The cat really IS dead.

K:  I can’t do the dishes, I need to check Jack for ticks.

V:  I’ll do it.  You do the dishes.

K:  When’s Jack’s birthday?

V:  I see the truck!

K:  I’ll have to make up a birthday.  Tomorrow!  Tomorrow is his birthday.

V:  Party!

K:  I see the truck!

V:  What time is Jack’s party?

Me:  KENNY!!!!

K:  Did you mean put the clean dishes away?

V:  I’ll miss Jack’s party! {sobs miserably}

K:  I wondered why you wanted dirty dishes put in the cabinets.

V:  I see the truck!  Nope.

K:  Is that the virgin guy that’s 40?  Hey, you never explained that.

Me:  Uh……

V:  Where IS Dad?  Why aren’t they here?

K:  They probably got stuck in the ditch.

V:  I see the truck!

K:  Why are you writing?  Let me see.

V:  Shake my booty, shake my booty.  {singing}  I see the truck!

K:  Mom!  There you go again, writing about your kids like when you said you were going to sell me!  You shouldn’t do that mom.

V:  You write Kenny.

K:  I will!  I’m going to write about the farm and how mean our Mom is for writing about us.

V:  I see the truck!  It really is them!

K:  Yahoo!  Let’s try to jump on, they’re going real slow.

Me:  Get back in here!

D:  {Darren walks out}  What’s going on?

V:  We’re having a party for Jack tomorrow.  And we have a dead cat.

K:  Oh yeah, it sure is them.  The cat’s alive.  Alive!!

{Ed gets out of the truck}

Ed:  Hey hon, we got it!

Me:  I want a divorce.

Ed:  What’d Kenny do?

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