Crazy Cow Country Farm

Your daily dose of manure

Crazy Cow Country Farm header image 2

Upstaged by a cow

September 19th, 2007 · No Comments · Uncategorized

Yesterday, some time during the 30th take with the fancy new video camera I received an email from my PR lady who said the magazine I interviewed with was asking for a picture to publish with the article.  Now, most people would have thought Oh, how nice,  but in true hillbilly form my immediate thought was Oh my gosh, thank heavens I got this while I’m all made up and having this Good Hair Day.   Me, in makeup AND good hair happens about once every two or three years.  This was a Good Day indeed.  And how difficult could it be to snap some decent shots of me “showing my farming lifestyle” (yes, she specifically requested this).  I confidently replied that I’d be happy to provide her with a picture later in the afternoon if one of the boys could get a good shot or later in the evening if I had to wait for Ed.  This, I could do. 

Not so much.  I forgot about the 40 mph wind gusts we were having.  Naturally the horses were in the far back pasture so I had to go right into the wind for a full 5 minutes to call them up.  My Good Hair Day was fading fast.  I was now at the half-life point of Good Hair Day.

I explained to the boys how this would work in infinite simplicity.  We’re going out to the barn where I’ll pull the horses in and each of you can take about 50 pictures of Mommy with a horse.   I figured with about 150 pictures there would be ONE usable one.  I understand fully now my immense failure during trips to the casinos.  I should never gamble again.  I gave explicit instructions.  Look through the hole here and find Mommy’s head.  DO NOT GET MOMMY’S ENTIRE BODY.    I’ve never been able to afford a skinny lens.

I’ve got about 65 of these shots.  I’m going to have one blown up and attach it to the freezer next to the ice cream.

My other very clear instruction was, We have to work quickly because we still have to film with the video camera when Daddy gets home so NO GOOFING AROUND and taking pictures of your brothers.

I’ve got about 20 of these.

After reviewing the entire photo shoot there were about three that with cropping, lighting, and complete manipulation I was able to salvage.  Oh what the hell, I called Ed and informed him that the evening would be All About Me.  I instructed him to pick up a pizza then come home so he could video tape and get still pictures of me in the barn with animals and then he was helping me with the tripod thingy and would offer support while I babbled incessantly into the camera.  I don’t instruct Ed often so he took it very well and agreed.

Ed’s instructions were similar to the boys’ with one other caveat, Remember this is a cheap old camera so there’s several seconds of delay as you snap.  Whatever you do, DO NOT MOVE ONCE YOU SNAP!

I’ve got about 20 different pictures similar to this.

By this time the Good Hair Day was effectively over as I had to call all the horses up again since they didn’t respond to Ed.  And I had to use a grain bucket to call them.  Moo saw me.  Moo saw me WITH a grain bucket.  Well let me tell you, anyone walking out of the barn with a grain bucket that doesn’t head directly for her without stopping to pass go is high on her you-know-what list.  Moo was not happy.  She ran to the gate and started flipping the chain.  She hollered.  Now, I know you’re asking how a cow can holler but I tell you, this cow can.  You know that looooooong drawn out peacefull mooooooooOO that cows do?  She doesn’t do that.  Her’s are very short MOOOs that end very impatiently like, Git yer butt over here with that grain bucket NOW!  So this is what she was now doing at the gate.  I shrugged it off but Ed loves his cow so of course he says, Now we need to go out to Moo’s pasture and get some pictures of her.   Well I never intended to take pictures of the dang cow because horses are so much more photogenic.  But my Good Hair Day was dying a quick death so what did it matter if I stood directly in the wind for another shoot.  We loaded up all the cameras and headed out.

I went in with Moo and Sparky and, since I wasn’t carrying a grain bucket and she KNEW I had access to one because those pesky horses were chowing down that very minute on grain, she snubbed me.  Seriously.  That damn cow who LOVES my massages and petting walked off.

I finally got her to come over for a nose scratch.

Then she quickly took off again.

We finally gave up, well *I* gave up.  Ed adores his cow so he sets up the tripod to get her on video.  I got her to stand next to me facing the camera and when Ed gave me the signal I began.  “Hi!  I’m Lisa Hammond and I live in Goessel, Kansas with………” and right then Moo charged the camera.  She just took off and stole the shot leaving me with no choice but to start laughing and insert, “my pet cow.”  It’s a great shot.  Of Moo.  Full on right up in front of the camera.  And as much as it pains me to admit it, it’s really a cute scene that totally is us, on the farm. 

I’m not sure the lady from Good Morning America will agree.

{I uploaded some of the pics to Flickr – just click the Flickr badge in the right column to see them.}

 photo mylivesigfinal_zpsbe6e7807.png