Crazy Cow Country Farm

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What could go wrong?

March 15th, 2010 · No Comments · Uncategorized

Because I apparently haven’t quite mastered the Art Of Making An Ass Of One’s Self, the Universe decided to present another opportunity for me to test my skills.  I passed.  With flying colors.

Friday was going to be a simple day and I’d made sure that there wouldn’t be a chance in hell anything could screw it up.  It was supposed to look something like this…….

  • 6:00-7:30 get kids and Ed out the door
  • 7:30-8:30 workout
  • 8:30-10:30 finalize grocery job activation
  • 10:30-11:00 straighten house
  • 11:00-12:30 eat, clean kitchen, get ready for interview with Charlene
  • 12:30-1:30 pick up kids, visit a few with my folks who are here to take the kids, get them out the door
  • 1:30-3:00 drive to Wichita to Charlene’s house for the interview
  • 3:00-4:00 interview
  • 4:00-6:00 shopping in Wichita – bookstores, rent a couple movies, free time
  • 6:00-7:30 arrive home – house to myself, Ed’s at his meeting
  • 7:30-9:30 watch a chick flick
  • 9:30 Ed arrives home, date night begins

Doesn’t that all sound simple?  All these events are neatly written in my planner as well as my color coded Google Calendars so I mean, really, what could go wrong?  This is how I roll you know – I Plan, Therefore I Am.

Things were cruising along pretty well until I headed out the door for Charlene’s.  First, I forgot to pick up the flowers and card I had planned on getting her.  Next, I got lost.  I had checked mapquest for directions but it seems mapquest forgot about a highway intersection and I ended up making u-turns all over the place and barely arrived at Charlene’s on time, even missing the flower stop.  The interview went fantastic (more on that later) but I definitely overstayed my visit, although she was so very gracious and answered all my questions.  I had only overstayed by about 30 minutes and I think I could have talked with her for hours but I knew she was getting tired.  So I packed up and walked outside to be greeted by a totally dead battery.  Nothing.  Damn thing would even attempt to turn over.  I’d left the lights on.  And the worst part is, on the way there I distinctly remember telling myself to remember that I was driving with the lights on due to the dark clouds so I better not forget to turn them off.

I head back into the house and poor Charlene allowed me to impose another 30 minutes while I wanted on Ed to arrive.  “Yes, hello.  Remember me, the stalker who keeps telling you she’s not a stalker?  The one who just took up an hour and a half of your day?  Yeah, I’m back.  Do you have jumper cables?  Or can I just hang out another hour while my husband heads over?”  Can you imagine?  Ed, of course, had to leave work early and drive 20 miles out of his way to rescue me (note: get jumper cables next time I’m out).  Since I’d disturbed him and we were now out in the rain together we decided to stop by the grocery store for snacks and the Blockbuster for movies.  Ed was sweet enough to change his plans and stay home with me then we’d both go to the meeting Saturday together.

Ed proceeded to zoom past me on the highway and in the five o’clock rush hour traffic (HOLY HELL people were driving like maniacs!) I just shook like a leaf and stayed in the right lane, watching him leave me far behind.  Hey, I haven’t even told you about the $320 speeding ticket I got a few weeks ago which has left me forever terrified of speeding.  And the worst part is, I NEVER speed!  Ugh!  But that’s another story.

So I’m on the highway miles behind Ed just singing my heart out and getting funny looks from stressed out commuters trying to shave 20 seconds off the drive by scaring the living daylights out of me.  I swear one guy was on my tail so closely that I could count his grey hairs.  All of this means that poor Ed go to wait for me in the grocery store parking lot for several minutes.  We grabbed some snacks and picked up several new releases from Blockbuster then headed home.  Ed switched the Wii plugins to the DVD player and we sat down to watch Star Trek.  And nothing happened.  The freaking DVD player was totally dead.  We unplugged, replugged, jiggled cords, dusted, talked nicely, pushed buttons, you name it and the damn thing just stayed totally blank.  Lovely. 

Then I saved the day.  Shocking, I know.

We had found a cord back there that didn’t go to anything – yes, a cord with both ends plugged in to nothing.  Hell there’s about 30 cords back there so I figure that’s normal to have three or four that just add ambiance.  Anyway, I looked at the end of it and noticed it was an HDMI cable which was perfect because my handy dandy laptop has one of those too!  So we just hooked the laptop up to the TV (btw, seeing the ‘net on a 32” TV was totally awesome dude!) and were able to watch the movie – which was fantastic.

I’m going to plan a day soon where I do nothing.  Seriously, the goal for the entire day would be, “Do nothing.  Screw up nothing.  Nothing will go wrong.  Just stay in bed and don’t speak.”

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